A Gestational Carrier’s Perspective

Carmen Ventura started thinking about the the possibility of being a Gestational Carrier after she saw an ad on social media.  Carmen loved being pregnant, she has 2 children of her own, and started to talk to her friends to see what they thought about it. After spending some time talking to friend and her husband, Christian about the possibility, she decided to call a family meeting to discuss it with her parents and in-laws.  She was not sure how everyone would react, but happily everyone was very supportive and thought she was doing a wonderful thing.  She did have the one uncle that asked “ how does Christian feel about you sleeping with someone else”.  Of course this is not how Gestational Surrogacy works.  The Gestational Carrier takes oral medications to get her uterus ready and then an embryo (that has already been created and is not any of the Carrier’s genetics) is implanted into her uterus through a transfer process at the Fertility Center. So the Gestational Carrier has no genetic ties to this embryo she is just the vessel to bring this embryo to life. 

Carmen has 2 children of her own, age 2 & 5. We asked her if she thought with them being younger, made it harder or easier for her during the process. She felt that the 2 year old was definitely easier on the understanding side. He was not really too concerned with her growing belly. Her 5 year old daughter was more inquisitive. But it really helped her understand the process once she actually met the Intended Parents and was able to put an actual family with the process. Carmen also read books about Surrogacy and the Surrogacy experience to her children that explained the process in a way for children to understand. 

When asked if this process was what like what she expected, Carmen responded that all the medical process and the pregnancy was what she expected, but it was her relationship with the Intended mom, Jess, that was the unknown.  And she was pleasantly surprised at how naturally that grew and how they became such an important part of her and her family’s life. 

The hardest part of the process Carmen stated was the beginning of the process and the back and forth of waiting and getting all the preliminary steps and procedures completed for the actual transfer to take place.

One of the main questions that Carmen was asked during this process was “how are you going to be able to give this baby away”.  Her feelings on this was that she was not genetically attached to this baby and her job was to be the strong vessel bringing this baby to their rightful family. 

When asked if she would do anything differently if she were a Carrier again, and she said that she would change anything.

Carmen was induced at 39 weeks and the IP’s were able to attend the delivery.  Many times if possible Physician’s will induce a pregnancy so that everyone can be at the delivery.  Carmen and her Intended Parents decided ahead of time that she was comfortable with them being in the delivery room with her and her husband, Christian.  The hospital that she delivered at allowed the IP’s to have a room adjacent to her and once the baby was delivered and everyone got to see the baby the baby was taken to the IP’s room for them to have time to bond.  Carmen received a well deserved rest and after 30 hours was released from the hospital.  If the pregnancy does not have any complications, the release of a Gestational Carrier is much sooner than a normal birth because the Carrier’s prefer to go home and recover with their own family. 

Was it hard to see the baby and not take it home, a common questions that is asked? Carmen’s response was: No is was not, because it was so great to see the joy in the Intended Parent’s face and I was ready to go be home with my own family.  I was fully and satisfied, my job was complete.

Carmen did decide with the Intended Parents to pump breast milk for 4 weeks during her recovery and since it was a local match, the IP’s picked up the milk each week. 

This is something that is completely optional and is a decision that is decided between the Carrier and the IP’s, many times after the birth. Compensation is usually agreed upon for time and effort.